29-year-old tech-savvy son threatens to remove mother from family cell plan after she continually responds to scam texts, triggering fraud locks on his accounts: ‘[She] asked me to stop being dramatic’

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    elderly woman smiling while looking at her cellphone
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    "WIBTA if I suspend my mom’s line from our family phone plan after her approvals keep triggering fraud locks on my accounts"

    I am 29, I run the family cell plan because I am the techy one and I get an employer discount that knocks 18 percent off.
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    It is me, my mom, my younger brother, and my grandma's little flip line. The total after taxes is 164 per month, cover it on autopay and they pay me back with Zelle.
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    Mom is 54 and very smart in general, but she taps yes on every random text that pops up because the message says it is urgent.
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    This month was the third time her approvals messed up my stuff. First time, back in April, some "delivery" text asked her to verify a package.
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    She hit the link, entered her number, then a code, and my Instagram got hit with a login from a different state.
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    Mild chaos, I reset things, taught her about fake links. Second time in July, a "bank alert" text asked to confirm a $980 purchase.
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    She clicked, typed the code that came to her phone, and my checking locked for 24 hours while I was trying to pay a plumber.
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    I was embarrased and kind of mad, but I kept it cool, turned on more 2FA, removed SMS from everything I could, moved to an authenticator app.
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    Thought we were ok. Last Thursday it got worse. At 7 12 am I was making coffee and my watch buzzed, new sign in attempt for my email.
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    hit no. Thirty seconds later, same thing, but the code went to my mom's phone, not to me.
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    She was at work already, she saw a text saying "Your email is being accessed, reply YES to secure your mailbox." She replied yes.
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    Then more codes. By 7 23 my email and two cloud drives started spitting alerts. At 7 31 my Git hosting locked my account for unusual activity because someone tried a password reset.
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    I work remote, I had a client standup at 9, my stomach felt like ice. I called Mom, asked her what she tapped.
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    She said "I thought I was helping you, the text said to confirm you blocked the hacker." I asked her to bring her phone by my place or at least read the sender.
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    She sent me screenshots, all short codes with weird grammar. My brother thinks I am overreacting, he says everyone gets phished sometimes.
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    But I am the one who pays the plan and my identity is the one tied to the master account.
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    megaphone with security alert chat bubble and smartphone to indicate online fraud
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    I spent four hours on support that day, froze my credit, rotated recovery emails, killed every SMS fallback I could find.
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    I missed half my standup and then my boss joked I should staple my phone to my hand.
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    Not funny. I felt like crying in the shower after, head pounding, coffee went cold on the counter and tasted like ash when I finally took a sip at noon.
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    I talked to Mom that night. She said she is "just not good with phones" and asked me to stop being dramatic.
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    I offered three options. One, she takes my little security bootcamp, 45 minutes on a Saturday, I show her what to tap and what not, we practice with fake messages, and I set her phone so unknown senders get filtered.
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    Two, I move her line to prepaid in her name, I will pay the early transfer fee, about 60, and she can manage it how she wants.
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    Three, if she wants to stay on my plan, I suspend SMS based recovery entirely and remove her number from any shared logins, and if I see another yes to a random code I will suspend her line for a week as a time out.
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    She got angry, said that is controlling and that she needs her phone because she volunteers at church and Grandma calls her.
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    I get that, I love them both. But I am tired of cleaning up fires. My credit card fraud team called today about a new attempt and I swallowed hard in the grocery line at 6 18 pm because my cart was already at 84 and I did not want to hold up the line if the card got declined.
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    Important detail, I am not trying to punish my mom, I am trying to protect my accounts and my job.
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    The plan is still cheaper for everyone with my discount, but the risks keep stacking. If I suspend her line for a week after another approval, that stops the codes from landing and buys me time to lock things down.
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    It feels harsh though. Would I be the j if I enforce this boundary and actually suspend her line next time, or is this a reasonable consequence for a pattern that is now hurting me in very real and very expensive ways.
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    Key_Step7550 I'd switch her out and tell her she's an adult she can manage her own mess.
  • 32
    kafquaff I'm only 3 years younger than your mom, and MY mom is better with spammers. If she refuses to learn safety she shouldn't have access to the tech. You have offered her PLENTY of options, and her refusal to accept them or learn anything is concerning.
  • 33
    2cents0 ks NTA. She's going to get your stuff hacked, emptied, and maybe a virus for good measure. My dad says he's "not good with tech" too. My poor uncle's wife and my BIL both have spent many hours removing viruses from his devices and getting his computer back online.
  • 34
    Put her on a different account and let her own stuff get hacked. Maybe that's the only way she'll learn, because right now, despite her having had multiple warnings, YOU are facing all the consequences.

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